Friday, May 8, 2015

Equal Opportunity Matters.

It is true that there are many momentous and important things going on in the world which we must strive to be part of, to bring good things and legacy for the childrens, et cetera. But this post is a soul cry from someone who spends entirely too much of her time online. What's up with the sexist discrimination of phishing?

Ever since I was a not-so-young woman with an internet account, I have hoped and dreamed that some gorgeous deposed prince from, eh, anywhere but Nigeria might send me a note asking him to help him save his millions.  Well, his billions really because: inflation. Not asking for much, folks, just a chiseled jaw and some completely unbelievable romantic lines. Maybe the promise of a yacht trip in the around the Mediteranean sea to motivate me. The Atlantic is too laden with history, the Indian is too familiar and nobody in her right mind trusts that misnamed Pacific. 

But, nope. All I ever get in my Facebook account, since I started employing the block on my email accounts, is a series of ambiguous hellos from girlchildren. It doesn't make me want to be their friend, it makes me want to feed them a good hot meal and then lecture them about feminism. At length. 

I cried out my troubles to a good friend, whose response was "Ugh, get over yourself. Even if they put cute dudes out as bait, the chances of catching the account number of a cisgendered female -ist like you are basically slim to none. Besides, cute dudes are still be bait for horny middle-aged men. Which is kinda the point. Nobody gives as much as a horny middle-aged man. Besides, you are poor, you're just gonna have to embrace the notion of free sex like the rest of us. Pass me the coleslaw."

Well, it's just not right. Discrimination in all its forms should be fought and I am offended that even the phishing industry is pandering to horny middle-age men. Why is it okay for straight women to be underserved? Why should anyone be underserved at all! I am outraged by this, and if you are too because you'd rather be conned out of your life savings by some seriously handsome, age-appropriate fantasy, well then join my march. 

Phishing For All! Let the beautiful world of wallet-invasion by insincere emotion reflect all of our sexualities, all of our neuroses, and all of our diversity. Nigerian princes need not apply, deposed or otherwise. 

Friday, April 24, 2015

The Weekly Sneak: Yes, But Which Hugh Masekela Song?

So, the attacks on foreign immigrants in South Africa. What a mess, neh? But it has happened before. And it will happen again. There are deep dark issues driving all that killing rage, and a history of violence to draw from.

"What is happening in South Africa is happening everywhere at a different scale. What we get to do about that is mystifying. How does one balance between the ballot and the machete?"
But here's what I actually want to discuss: which Hugh Masekela song does one pick to accompany one's culturally-savvy pacifist rant? I have been keeping an eye on the old book of Faces and, yup, Bring Back Mandela is in the lead. I would have gone for "Stimela" because it is a-propos the whole immigrant-disenfrachised-economic mess thing. But then he did "Bring It Back" and, it says everything there is to say, as well as having a killer trumpet solo. 

Friday, February 13, 2015

The Weekly Sneak: Make The Joke So You Don't Have To Be The Joke

Oh, Hai!*

Quirk the corner of your mouth in a wry smile if you enjoyed #MugabeFalls. Couldn't resist writing about it because Uncle Bob just keeps on giving and giving and besides I have had media on my mind these past few weeks...

"The answer to the youth-appeal question doesn't seem all that hard. We want our politicians to entertain us, in the best sense of the word: by accommodating our thirst for someone tangible who can crack a joke or even better, take one. I don't think that this is limited to youth by any means, it is just a feature of a new political dimension, a sign of the times we live in. And there isn't much rocket science to it, just some social savvy and a good gadget or two plus some simcards."

Watching the evolution of the relationship that politicians have with social media is always fun, eh. But more seriously, I actually realized that in the coming elections one of my most important criteria for personal evaluations of a candidate's viability will be their social media profile. Do they own accounts? Do they personally operate them or defer them to peons? How genuine vs manufactured do their online avatars feel? In summary, how well-equipped do they seem to be to function in the current situation. And all this because Robert Mugabe couldn't take a joke :)

*Yeah, um, it's been a while. You good? Cool.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The Weekly Sneak: Anything But Katiba

This week I started an article about the Katiba process only to get about 500 words into and realize: there's just no way. This thing turned into a circus without a majordomo months ago. It has been months, surely a few more months will not make a difference. So in the hopes of continuing my policy of letting Katiba Mpya stew in its own juices while the pressure increases, had to look far and wide for a meaty topic that would prove distracting. 

The internets, as always, came through:

"In the olden days there was a proprietorial sense of decorum about pictures, with more conservative or technology-avoiding cultures going so far as to suggest that taking a picture of someone is tantamount to taking a piece of their soul. Maybe they were on to something there. In this particular case my sympathies lie with the individuals whose privacy is violated for commercial gain. If it can happen to them, of course it can happen to us plebeians. Who, exactly, is accessing your stash of pictures and to what purpose might be a modern concern, but it bears thinking about above and beyond the regular fears of government censorship and espionage."

Friday, August 15, 2014

This Writing Life: Making Chinua Achebe Ghanaian

So this month will be a bit heavy in terms of productivity as all the deadlines come due. For African Arguments I got to speculate about what makes a Great African Writer only to conclude that I don't know. If I did, I would certainly be doing my best to get myself some awards and prize money. But here's a thing: essayists don't get that kind of love. Writing might be writing but the truth is that without a novel under your belt you haven't quite arrived as a writer. 

You know what else helps? Not calling Chinua Achebe a Ghanaian writer. If there's one thing that is consistent about the gods of print, it is their perversity. No matter what amount of effort you put in your most elementary mistakes will always make it to print. Always. 

Friday, August 1, 2014

The Weekly Sneak: The New Constitution. Again.

Took a break from the East African for about a month but I have come back to that desk this week because I felt bad about punking out on Jenerali Ulimwengu. Tis a poor footsoldier who leaves their post and leaves their General unsupported. The good news is that journalists generally don't go all court martial on each other, the occupation is a bit too loose-limbed for that.  

So, this new constitution of ours, eh. There are only roughly 18 months left before our next general election if things go according to the normal schedule, and we are still messing around with this thing. I am concerned:
"The whole project is turning out to be more complicated than the folks in charge implied it would be. I still maintain that you can't fast-track a Constitution no matter how badly you need a winning outcome for an outgoing administration- these things have to be started nice and early. Now the Establishment is proposing to drag us all in the wake of further “deliberations” come August because ati how many governments does one Republic need. This is unwelcome, but perhaps typical of the sunset days of the Fourth Administration."
Basically, I want a younger President. Not because I believe in the magical powers of youth- there aren't any- but I am definitely ready for someone who has lived experience and a visceral understanding that politics the world over have evolved significantly since 1960. A peer would do nicely. 


Monday, July 21, 2014

A Book Launch, A Birthday Party by the Sea and A Snoozing Blog.

That was my weekend, pretty much. It has been too long since the blog has been updated, but I want to tell you that there are plans. Thinking of really revamping the blog at some point (perhaps even this year). And more content. Those are the plans. 

In the meantime, Dar is beautiful and I am falling in love with it all over again. I don't know how or why it happens, but it does, every couple of years or so. Maybe it is the winter climate, very nice coolness in the air and colors seem sharper. Maybe it is the pent up energy that's humming in traffic and in public spaces. Maybe it is the coming holidays? Or are we progressing into our version of Spring? Whatever it is, just about loving it. 

Friday, June 13, 2014

The Weekly Sneak: What? Oh. Merry World Cup to You Too.

The nice thing about growing older is that you don't have to accept your limitations so much as your limitations just kind of embrace you warmly and never let you go. After two decades of trying to fit in, this is me comfortably admitting that unless I am in the stadium, unless it is Serena Williams, or one of those sports that we only enjoy during the Olympics, unless it is Rugby, then I am not watching it. 

If you also love the beautiful human body and the feel of a good adrenaline high and a racing heart, if you dig the idea of fitness even if we are crap at actually working out, if you believe in a good long walk or hot yoga or karate, whatever your flavor... but you're just not going to watch the world cup? This one is for you: 
"Why lie, it really is the beautiful game. You wouldn't believe how much work can go into remaining completely and utterly unbewitched by it, which means that some of us are facing a long couple of weeks of avoiding crowds, bars, conversations, the first minute of any newscast, the last minute of any newscast, and possibly all human beings that can talk. When it comes to sports, I would rather do it however badly than sit around and watch someone else do it, however well."
Ain't no shame in it. See you around at the television-free restaurants and coffee shops. 

A little birdie told me...

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