Saturday, February 5, 2011

I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Company...

Remember when Bill Clinton was in the throes of denying his affair with whatsername, the White House intern? Yeah. Tragic, wasn't it? If Bill had just manned up, the world would have been spared all that tedious American puritanism and barely louche jokes about cigars and stained dresses. Decorum, people, is one part savvy and four parts sheer balls.

So, yesterday Jay Kay denied having any sexual relations with Dowans, or knowing anything at all about anything that might be useful to anyone. In a nutshell he said: "I'm clueless. And, I'm powerless too. So don't bother me."

Dude. Seriously? Or, as we say in Bongoland: Duh?! Aiseee....

Sure, we understand plausible deniability. Even understand that Jay Kay was probably not directly involved in the cooking of the Richmondowans books. Because that would take foresight, skill and a certain savoir-faire that we can't accuse Jay Kay of possessing following his recent statements. Hell, TIA: we even understand that it's perfectly acceptable for a rich/powerful/politician dude to throw his friends under the bus for expedience. Sure.

But irrefutable PR disasters? That's just not how we want our Presidents to roll. Which is why I gotta ask: where in the world is the Ikulu Director of Communications? If I held that job (CJ Craig, what what!) and my boss was about to put his foot in his mouth and eat it with ketchup, I would engage him in a flying tackle that would knock his presidential ass out long before he could say anything so damaging to the Office of the Presidency. I mean, c'mon! Half a decade of independence, one pan-african hero, a towering (ahem) international political reputation and our President thinks it's a good idea to come across as a developmentally challenged head of state?

...flying tackle for sure. Because no matter how ignorant you are, as a President and (theoretically) a paramount leader of an independent nation, there is one thing you are not allowed to do: cheerfully admit your fricking incompetence to the world. Jeez, Ikulu: can I buy you a clue?

8 comments:

  1. Where "in the world is the Ikulu Director of Communications?" Right here:

    TAARIFA KWA VYOMBO VYA HABARI KUTOKA KURUGENZI YA MAWASILIANO YA RAIS, IKULU.

    KATIBU Mkuu wa Chama cha Demokrasia na Maendeleo (CHADEMA) Dkt. Wilboard Slaa, leo, Jumapili, Januari 2, 2011, amekaririwa na Gazeti la Tanzania Daima, linalomikiwa na chama chake hicho, akidai kuwa Rais wa Jamhuri ya Muungano wa Tanzania, Mheshimiwa Jakaya Mrisho Kikwete ni mmoja wa wamiliki wa Kampuni ya Kuzalisha Umeme ya Dowans.

    Huu ni uongo wa mchana, ni uzushi wa karne na propaganda ya hatari. Kwa hakika na kwa namna isiyoweza kuelezeka kwa ufasaha, tumeshtushwa sana na kauli hii ya Dkt. Slaa na hatutaki kuamini kabisa wala kukubali kuwa ni kweli kauli hii imetolewa na mtu ambaye majuzi tu alikuwa akiwania kuwa kiongozi wa juu wa taifa letu, yaani Rais wa Jamhuri ya Muungano wa Tanzania.

    Na kama kweli Dkt. Slaa ametoa kauli hii na kusema maneno ya namna hii basi sasa Watanzania wanayo kila sababu na haki ya kuamini kuliko wakati mwingine wowote kuwa mzee huyu sasa amechanganyikiwa na ni mtu wa hatari sana kwa utulivu wa nchi hii. Kwa nini?

    Sababu ni rahisi sana. Mheshimiwa Rais Kikwete siyo mmiliki wa Kampuni ya Kuzalisha Umeme ya Dowans. Hakupata kuwa mmiliki, siyo mmiliki na wala hatakuwa, hata siku moja, mmiliki wa Kampuni hii.

    Kama Dkt. Slaa anataka kweli kujua wamiliki wa Kampuni ya Dowans, basi atafute ukweli huo na aachae tabia ya kutapatapa na udhabinadhabina yenye lengo la kuwapaka watu watope. Tabia ya kuwasingizia na kusema uongo kuhusu viongozi wa taifa letu ni tabia ya hatari.

    Mheshimiwa Rais Kikwete hahusiki na Kampuni ya Dowans wala na kampuni nyingine yoyote ya kibiashara. Yeye ni kiongozi wa juu kabisa wa siasa wa nchi yetu na siyo heshima wala haki kumhusisha na jambo la kutunga na kuzua na lisilokuwa la ukweli wowote.

    Kiongozi huyo wa upinzani ametoa shutuma zake dhidi ya Rais Kikwete kufuatia Kampuni ya Dowans kulishitaki Shirika la Umeme Tanzania (TANESCO) katika Mahakama ya Kimataifa ya Usuluhishi wa Migogoro ya Kibiashara (ICC) na Mahakama hiyo ikaamua kuwa Dowans ilipwe kiasi cha sh bilioni 185.

    Dkt. Slaa amezomoko na kumshutumu Rais Kikwete eti kwa sababu Mheshimiwa Rais hakuzungumzia suala hilo katika salamu zake za Mwaka Mpya kwa wananchi Ijumaa iliyopita.

    Mwaka huu, Dkt Slaa aliwania urais wa Tanzania kupitia CHADEMA na akashindwa vibaya sana. Tokea wakati huo amekuwa mtu wa kutunga na kuzua stori za kila aina ya uongo na umbea kuwachanganya Watanzania kwa sababu ya kinyongo chake cha kushindwa.

    Tunapenda kuwataka na kuwaomba Watanzania, kama ambavyo wamekuwa wanapuuza uongo na uzushi mwingine wa mara kwa mara wa Dkt. Slaa, waupuuze uzushi na uongo wa sasa kuhusu miliki ya Dowans. Ni sehemu ya tabia iliyoanza kuzoeleka sasa ya Mzee huyo kutapatapa kisiasa.

    Imetolewa na Salva Rweyemamu รข€“ Mkurugenzi wa Mawasiliano ya Rais - Ikulu

    ReplyDelete
  2. Taarifa za wafanyakazi wa TBC zasema Rweyemamu yuko bizi sana kwao. Mwananchi katumia neno "idara nyeti", ikimaanisha Ofisi ya Mawasiliano ya Rais:

    http://www.mwananchi.co.tz/habari/49-uchaguzi-mkuu/8524-serikali-yachunguza-mashirika-ya-bbc-rfi

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  3. I don't care at all about all the brouhaha on Dowans. But I have to correct you on your West Wing faux pax. It was Toby Ziegler who served as DOC in the Bartlet White House and not Miss Craig. The latter was first the Press Secretary and then later served as Chief of Staff for the last two years of the Bartlet's administration.

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  4. @Chambi and Anonymous: thanks for those. I needed a smile on my face. I am so happy that Salva is around to save us from the perils of partisan politics and the nefarious invasion plots of The Beeb and RFI. I feel safer already :)

    @Shurufu: A grievous mistake indeed! I am appalled and ashamed and humbly beg the Bartlett administration's pardon for such a horrendous lapse. As their Ambassador and leader of their mission in Tanzania, perhaps you could accept my apology on behalf of President Bartlett, Mr. Ziegler and Ms. Craig? I'd hate for it to become an international incident...

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  5. I have just spoken with former President Bartlet and Mr. Ziegler (who is eternally indebted to the President for pardoning his ass away from the slammer!). Miss Craig now lives in California playing around with billions of dollars from Franklin Hollis, trying to change the world. Anyway, they said to pass on their forgiveness and asked that you never make a similar mistake again.

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  6. check the entries for the ikulu mawasiliano blog for today, 17 February (day after Gongo la Mboto disaster).

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  7. @SwahiliStreet: High Five! thanks for that link- it's been a minute since I bothered with His Excellency's Online Photo Album. Looks like someone has revamped the site to become more interactive?

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