Tuesday, May 24, 2011

On False Advertising: The Rapture

Y'all have to understand: I was raised High Catholic. For real. Since those kooks in New York have been nattering on about The Rapture this and The Rapture that, all my demons have come out to play. The seven horsemen of the Apocalypse, the Chosen ones, the triple six and Nostradamus- been there, read that, amongst other things. Dan Brown has nothing on the crazier corners of Catholic psychosis.

It has been a long journey, lapsing from all the Hail Marys and learning how to live without the scent of frankinscense and myrrh, and not an easy one. So here's my beef: why raise all those expectations of The Rapture- only the most feared and anticipated event in Christiandom, ever- only to drop the ball at the last minute? sSomeone needs to be sued for false advertising. I want my anxiety back, every last minute I spent scouring my soul and prematurely making peace with God. And while you irresponsible prophets of doom are at it, catch a clue: market research is a good thing.


  1. seven horsemen??? i thought there were supposed to be only 4? greed, pestilence, famine and war.

  2. Yes it probably should be four but sometimes four just isn't enough. And seven has greater resonance: deadly sins; samurai; magnificent; brides; brothers; sons of seventh sons; eleven.

  3. I checked my well-thumbed copy of the book, sadly still too familiar with the Revelations section, and indeed Steve called it. Seven seals, but only four horsemen. Four seals, seven horsemen would have worked better, like SS pointed out. And on the seventh day, God should have invented editors...


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