Laughing Our Way To Better Politics.

So there I was last Sunday surfing the airwaves when I came across Wacha Masihara by accident. They were faux-news covering a surprise visit by Minister for Transport Harrison Mwakyembe on some unsuspecting TRA employees. It was the most welcome, upbeat, politically-incorrect fun I have had since Ze Komedy lost their mojo. Interestingly enough, it is funded by a number of civil-society organizations. 

Satirical media's sanitary effect on politics is a global phenomenon that's been building up for years. Does this stuff work here though? Will we be able to talk, laugh, debate and negotiate our way to the well-run together-forever Tanzania of our desires? We seem to be building, slowly but surely, a relatively healthy culture of free speech supported by increasingly smart media. And making the funny is a large part of it.  To get all Afrocentric on you for a second, this might just be a reclaiming of a fairly common social cohesion technique that survived from precolonial times and got used to great effect immediately after independence: utani*. 

The current free speech/governance/accountability 'upgrade' is being driven by a surprising relationship between youthful (not necessarily young) media, celebrities, savvy politicians and the few public servants who can stomach it. After years of being the reprobates, comedians and cartoonists and radio presenters and musicians have become opinion leaders with a mandate not only to access our leaders, but to mediate our relationship with them. That's lot of power to put in the hands of the creative misfits from the back of the classroom, but I feel so much more comfortable with them than the suits. 

Thanks to them, fun is entrenching itself firmly in our public culture. It's also squeezing the hot air out of our hierarchies and retraining us all as we transition away from the chauvinism of Ndio Mzee culture. Too much serious isn't just boring, it is a political liability. I have always claimed that we have a responsive political structure in Tanzania, and that it is possible for change to be driven from the bottom upwards. Sure: this isn't the mass movement with all the sturm und drang of an Arab Spring, but it's nothing to scoff at either. Oh, wait it is.  :)

As 2015 inches towards us at a snail's pace, I get increasingly obsessed by this notion that there is a growing divide between the politicians who get this, and those who don't. When hanging out with fellow political junkies we usually play at least one round of a popular game: predict who President Number Five is going to be. It is a lot easier to figure out who won't be making it to Ikulu than who will, but I think that the ability to navigate an open society is key. I get shouted down by those who are betting that Big Fat Corruption and/or CCM factionalism is going to trump all that. Is it too soon to start a betting pool?

Anyways, it's not all faux news bulletins and call-in radio shows this past month. Here's a couple of other media things that caught my attention:

1. Saumu Mwalimu's work in The Citizen, like this piece. She's got some of that good je ne sais quoi going on. I am reading her. 

2. Dunia ni Duara's post on the ins and outs of social media, hashtags and crises. Because it needed to be said. 

3. AK's post this week on Vijana FM. Now when someone asks me about social media uptake and numbers and Tanzania and context and stuff, I have a link to refer them to :)

4. Thanks Zitto for making us all secretly wish our MPs would get together and make a We Are The World style 'look how cool my region is' music video. Even if I can already hear the jokes about the Kagera version...

 *Utani translates as teasing but the concept is broader. There's flirtation and charisma and camaraderie in there, disarmament, comedic relief. It even shows up in formal applications in unusual settings like funerals though that practice is dying out.

Creeped Out by Google Maps

This week's EA article is about the new Ubungo-Maziwa commuter train of course. I am horribly jealous, actually, and will have to come up with several excuses to go for a ride and drag a few people with me. Yes, I know. It is very country hick to actually plan an outing just so as I can ride the train into and out of the city. But that's what makes development so much fun: the countless opportunities to be delighted by every novel advance, to be so easily pleased and entertained when things work. 

In anticipation of the treat, I went over to Google Maps to check out the new route. And ended up spending way too much time zooming in on the rooftops of various places of interest, including trying to see if I could spot my house. Which I can, almost down to the generous guava tree that is about to give us our third crop this year. Is anyone else mildly freaked out by this? If Google Maps images are this detailed, who else is playing Big Brother and how much better can they see my guava tree? Chilling thought.

The Weekly Sneak: In Touch With His Inner Mother

It's been a while since I tugged on Jakaya Kikwete's sparse chin hairs. I am constantly getting into trouble with all kinds of people about being fond of the man and his suits in the first place. Defending his free speech policy has put me beyond the pale.  But it has been a few years since I called my President a cake in a bakery window amongst other things and I am still not in jail. Columnists tend to remember that kind of deliberate ignorance on the part of She State. We also get tempted to push the envelope because... well, tweaking big things is mesmerizing, otherwise who would bother with elephants and whales.

So I got a bit playful this week. Threw in a little gender bending, because why not? I believe that Tanzania and her Presidents have always had a very feminine kind of vibe, to our advantage:

"When the threat is identifiably external we have no problems rising to the occasion. But that is what the armed forces are for. They have already earned our confidence that should any problem arise, they'll lace up their combat boots right quick and proceed to plant them firmly in the face of whoever made us cry in the playground. This leaves the President free to focus on the area in which we actually crave his attention: internal peace and stability and welfare. We've been spoiled by decades of highly interactive exchanges with our leaders, we do expect them to listen to our troubles and mediate all domestic altercations without showing favoritism. When disasters happen, His Excellency has to come kiss the ouchies away and make it all better. When the economy is ailing we expect him to find a way to put enough food on the table to feed a growing nation. A large part of a Tanzanian President's job is to be Mom."

Come to think of it, this might not be unique to Tanzania. There's something about the way we revere Heads of State and expect them to be all things to all people that has a bit of a maternal fixation to it, neh? Might as well vote in a few women from time to time. :)

Anxiety Attacks

Midweek is deadline day for the East African and I tackled the subject of last week's Mbagala riots, thinking that perhaps it had blown over enough to comment on. Which is the problem with having a deadline that's several days removed from publication. The situation has evolved and now there are synergies with Zanzibar's current problems. Reuters is using the word 'Islamist.' Sigh.

I still don't think that this is a religious fight, per se, because denial is a river in Egypt. Still, the tide turned when the Police arrested Sheikh Ponda Issa Ponda in connection with last week's riots. Ah, the heavy hand of the state security organs. Meanwhile in Zanzibar, policeman Said Abdulrahman was executed by a mob on his way home in the disturbances that followed the disappearance of another cleric, Sheikh Farid Hadi Ahmed.

"Very young youths between the ages of 10 and 17 are involved in the unrest."

Woke up this morning to a woeful text message. Apparently an ultimatum has been issued to the police: if Sheikh Ponda is not released by noon today, protesters will "not be responsible for what happens." Perhaps they hoping that somehow the rule of law as practiced by our oh-so-gentle police will not apply to them? 

I approve of a good hearty protest, but only in the peaceful sense. Having the city threatened with violence is a whole different ball game. Seriously tedious for the remaining four million and change of us to be so inconvenienced by a fight we just don't want. I am hoping that the police will get off its testosterone crack pipe and just send the cleric home to defuse the situation. They can afford to handle this matter with more finesse than they have so far and I hope they do. Put my tax shillings to good use, people, and by good use I don't mean teargas. 

The Weekly Sneak: For God's Sake

Eh. So My Lady of the Faithful Smiles likes to tell this story about how back in the 20th Century, when I was preparing for some Catholic Rite of Passage or other, I gave the sistren instructing me some grief. They were nice brides of Christ, from Mother Teresa's order: none of that crazy Catholic, pinchy, child-(expletive deleted) psychosis going on here. Apparently I asked them why I had never seen the Big Guy, Mister Number One, even though I used to watch out for Him whenever I took a plane ride.They warned M'lady that her child might be trouble.

Kids are awesome that way. They are natural scientists, which is why so many traditionalists believe in beating the thought out of them. Oh wait, I mean beating the obedience into them. Whatever. So to my delight my nieces have been secure enough to show intellect and doubt. The one asked me on a long ago busride why she hadn't seen God when flying. Another recently quizzed her daddy about how much water it would take to extinguish the sun? Ha! The clarity of the problem statement, the tentative hypothesis, the sheer amount of thought behind these queries!

So now, this kid in Tanzania a couple days ago was in an argument with his mate. Mate said: if you piss on this holy book, you're going to turn into a snake or something slimy and cold. Kid's like: no way. Mate: way. Kid: no, dude. Mate: try it. Kid:... alright. Result?:

"FFU water trucks were called out onto the streets in a bid to disperse a furious mob. Churches were burned. My goodness, we went there."

I don't know how folks are raising their kids these days, but peeing on books is simply unacceptable. More importantly, thinking that a 14 year old boy intended to insult the religion of Islam by accepting his Muslim friend's dare is ridiculous. Did I mention: Muslim friend, dare, 14 year old boys? Because it has to be said that there were two idiots involved in this crime. Let's not forget the one minor was arrested and taken for questioning- questioning!- after the incident. What are we putting in Mbagala's drinking water, heavy metals? For * sake, people. Show some sense. At least more than those dick-witted children.

The Weekly Sneak: Yeah, Alright.

I won't lie folks, this week I was thoroughly uninspired. There's just times when the news looks like more of the same and a girl has said everything she intends to say anyways. Case of the 'blahs,' you know. But since I like to play catch-me-if-you-can with my weekly EA deadline, I woke up this morning to a gift of a story. CCM has young-ified their upper ranks. Yay.

"Speaking of injecting more youth into the political process, CCM has just pulled a semi-expected move in the direction of revamping its upper ranks. There is something to be said about respecting term limits: somehow their impeding retirement from the pinnacle of Tanzanian political life makes our incumbent Presidents find the courage and determination they might have lost during the course of their reign. Anything is possible when you know the end is nigh. In the case of the fourth administration, I think it is worth commending this gesture of good will. The generational turn was bound to happen soon enough, and with this move much of the contentiousness of the process has been sidestepped."

So listen, I gotta come clean on this: never will I ever, ever-ever, get a CCM card. That said, I ain't intending to support the opposition neither for anything other than that which they are useful for. It varies. I like different parties for different things, if you know what I'm saying here. At the end of the (voting) day, until someone provides a viable alternative to CCM I intend to keep splitting my ballot like the reasonable Tanzanian that I am. Just thought I would pre-empt the rabid mob that thinks any comment on the GOP that lacks vitriol is a direct endorsement. Have an okay day, yeah?

The Weekly Sneak: A Little Provocation

I was reading this HuffPo story about this kid who is already politically articulate at the age of 12, and I thought that was pretty fantastic. Of course he's probably an exception, there's not many 12 year olds I know who are into politics but he did give me an idea. What if?

"What would happen if we lowered the voting age dramatically to, say, maybe 14? Or even 12? By that time most children have experienced some primary school, and if surviving school isn't an political education then nothing is. This suggestion probably sounds horrifying to most readers, but there might be something to it. Children are generally much better behaved than adults are, being used to the bottom rung of the social ladder. Their sense of fair play hasn't had much time to be corrupted by the world. They would infuse any democracy with some much-needed idealistic energy."

 I am only half doing this to mess with our notions of age-based hierarchy. I know quite a lot of greyheads (not all, but some) are going to clack their dentures together and say that I have finally lost it, poor child. But if we can make soldiers out of children, and we do so far too often on this continent, then why not make them voters? It isn't beyond the capacity of 12-14 year olds to choose between political candidates, folks that age have opinions. Young people are intensely perceptive and hardly moved by the same concerns that allow us older folks to be corrupted so easily. 

I was also inspired somewhat by my older nieces. The eldest one couldn't vote in the last election, but I thoroughly enjoyed hearing her trenchant views on the various candidates and she gave me invaluable intel about her constituency. The others are far too young as of yet, but judging by the level of inquiry they tend to subject me to I can't help but believe they would do a better job of grilling candidates than most journalists.

Besides which, its a suggestion that's putting an extreme spin on 'democracy'. I don't really know why we shouldn't allow young citizens to participate in elections especially as they are the most vulnerable group and suffer most from failures in the healthcare system, in the education system of which they are the primary users, etc. For the people, by the people, even if they're shorties.

The Free Speech Not-So-Special

Yes! Seven people participated directly in the poll thingy whatever invitation to participate I threw out into the e-pond a couple of weeks ago. I think that's... oh, wait, it's not a record for the blog. Between us, may I confess that I am proud of how dependably poorly these Mikocheni Report Polls perform? It's like a perverse love letter from the silent readership. Bless y'all.

So, the results: three of you think there might be something to some decent policing of the online dialogue. Two of you think it's a horrendous idea to even bring up and another two of you are dedicated fans of the domesticated bird. Finally, and most importantly, nobody voted for actual regulation of free speech online, not even for fun to bait this cranky liberal. Either that means you guys all rock, or it means the blog is only read by seven folk who have a liberal bent- both of which options spell happiness with a capital Freedom.

Erm... oh yeah, the caveats and other stuff. The poll on the right there is not statistically representative of anything at all except perhaps an abiding love for chicken. Live long and prosper. Also: special smushy kisses of gratitude to the folks who sent healing vibes my way. Y'all the reason why I occasionally get cool free stuff thrown in my direction. More about that next post, neh? Mwah.