The Free Speech Not-So-Special

Yes! Seven people participated directly in the poll thingy whatever invitation to participate I threw out into the e-pond a couple of weeks ago. I think that's... oh, wait, it's not a record for the blog. Between us, may I confess that I am proud of how dependably poorly these Mikocheni Report Polls perform? It's like a perverse love letter from the silent readership. Bless y'all.

So, the results: three of you think there might be something to some decent policing of the online dialogue. Two of you think it's a horrendous idea to even bring up and another two of you are dedicated fans of the domesticated bird. Finally, and most importantly, nobody voted for actual regulation of free speech online, not even for fun to bait this cranky liberal. Either that means you guys all rock, or it means the blog is only read by seven folk who have a liberal bent- both of which options spell happiness with a capital Freedom.

Erm... oh yeah, the caveats and other stuff. The poll on the right there is not statistically representative of anything at all except perhaps an abiding love for chicken. Live long and prosper. Also: special smushy kisses of gratitude to the folks who sent healing vibes my way. Y'all the reason why I occasionally get cool free stuff thrown in my direction. More about that next post, neh? Mwah.

Show Me Your Ass...ets.

I have to post another missive from His Handsome Highness in a minute, so I better lay the last poll to rest. The numbers: 13 of you voted, making this a tie for the most participated-in poll on TMR to date. Of you 13 who voted:

- Four of you are in favor of the walk-out culture. Smells like, smells like... smells like Chadema to me, to me.

- Three of you are in favor of a tax refund. Hell yeah. New rule: MPs who walk out of Bunge sessions due to temper tantrums should forfeit their salary for that month. Said salary should be redirected towards school feeding programs in the primary school of their constituency of birth.

- Two of you think that Bunge sucks (it does, on occasion) and feel neither anger nor evil satisfaction at Chadema's antics. So equanimous... what are you, Buddhist monks?

- And four of you would like to know about developments in the Steak Quest. Well, have I got a little news for you: apparently, The Waterfront at the SlipperyWay serves a hunk of fillet cooked to the right temperature for a reasonable price. Which means- eat it before the Chef migrates to greener pastures because you know how restaurants always (always) deteriorate here. The Black Tomato also treats it's steaklet right, but that's a morning sop-up-the-hangover special so it's on the thinner side... which doesn't matter since you get eggs with it for that coronary-on-a-plate feeling. Best steak in town? Yeah, I know where to source that. Saving it for the next big TMR give-away though, so don't ask.

Discipline!

In a recent musing, His Excellently Handsome Highness wondered whether he has been a bit lax in disciplining the cadres of The King's Party. As a follow-up on the issue, the last TMR question was: "Do you think that corrupt public servants can be disciplined, and if they can what would happen?"

The results of the poll are in: 66% of respondents think that a little discipline will bring about socio-economic growth and the remaining 33% believe that discipline in the King's Party will bring about a combination of growth and instability. Hopefully that'll help HEHH make up his mind.

Speaking of serving the public, Bunge Season Premier** is in three days. Freshmen MPs are brushing up on their Parliamentary Canons, Timely Interruptions, Protestations of Unfair Play and The Red Chair I'm So Bored Slump as we speak. Can't wait :)

*Um. Gambling is illegal and I certainly do not encourage such a filthy habit. That said: I'm putting money down on the idea that the first MP to get into a quagmire of a confrontation (unwinnable) with Makinda and/or CCM is going to be Tundu Lissu.

** Politigeek alert: the newly refurbished Bunge website has uploaded the Standing Orders, in addition to the Hansards and other publications. While the search function for MPs isn't working but at least they can be narrowed down by region/constituency/party. Not too shabby.

Kipima Joto: What's your flavor?

I forgot to draw attention to the new poll on the right sidebar of the blog. It won't show up on your RSS feeds/inboxes etc, folks, you might have to physically visit the blog. :)

Despot Needed, Please Enquire Inside.

So, the people have spoken via a non-scientific blog poll and they have said loud and clear that they aren't too strongly attached to their personal freedoms. 50% of respondents are in favor of a benevolent dictatorship, two people want in on Perfect Steak Quest, two of you don't care how things get done so long as they are done, and one person is actually in favor of democracy (and the sole winner of the Mikocheni Report Virtual Hug Prize).

Seriously? I guess it is a good thing we're not having a referendum about this democracy business.

Still, I think that this year's elections are already proving to be extraordinary because of the heightened focus on the primary stages, the parliamentary candidates and local government elections. We're expanding and improving our democracy even as we express our discontent with it. Typical.

BTW

Silent Readership: Forgot to tell you that the voting is open until mid-October and you actually have to go to the blog to vote. Yes, the blog, not your inbox, is where the poll resides. Click away!

Who Is the Fairest (Toughest and Smartest) of Them All?

Last week was the first I heard about the upcoming UWT-CCM elections when the local papers covered an internal tussle. Umoja wa Wanawake Tanzania...ahem. I think it was the Chadema women's wing leader who pointed out that the name was perhaps a bit inappropriate as they cannot be said to represent all the women in the country. Damn straight.

Anywho, it got me thinking again about the long-overdue poll about Government Babes. Unlike Government Dudes, our women in leadership rarely have the oppotunity to get by on skill, let alone charisma. It usually takes most of them a hell of a lot more work than that. In light of the uneven playing field, the JADIP-SRD lab has been working hard at three variables that, when combined, yield something similar in a not-really kind of way to the Ken Doll measure that was used for the male leadership. These are:

1. Penis Capital: contribution of high-profile male spouse/lover to political credibility and power.
2. Grrl Power: personal competence and leadership style.
3. Hot Mama Points: degree of feminine sexual appeal/charisma exhibited in personal style.

Thus, 1+2+3= Who Is Your Mama?

To give some guidance, the outgoing UWT Chairwoman Ms. Anna Abdallah had very high Penis Capital, relatively decent Grrrl Power and negative Hot Mama points throughout her long career. In contrast, the late Amina Chifupa had low Penis Capital (although that depends on whom you ask), very high Grrl Power and pretty high Hot Mama Points.

In order not to bias the poll more than strictly necessary, JADIP-SRD has refrained from giving the variables negative or positive values. Candidates should have been selected from the executive branch only in order to make the poll as similar to the Government Dude poll as possible, but the JADIP-SRD committee voted to expand the criteria kidogo because our lady ministers have an uncanny similarity of features in their opinion.

One Cold Cabinet

The masses have spoken with the voice of one person (literally) and the message is: No one in the cabinet is vaguely attractive, JADIP needs to get a life. To the lone voter, asante kwa mchango wako. It will certainly make things interesting in trying to formulate the poll for the female public figures. By the way, His Radiant Beauteousness the President released an updated official portrait last week. I think the color of the tie changed. Don't all stampede to Maelezo at once, kids.

In effect, the results suggest that there is no causal relationship between a politician's attractiveness (charisma) and their perceived performance (success). Yeah, right. While this is a worthy thought- as in we should actually be swayed far more by a person's other qualities like integrity, or treatment of children and small furry creatures or ability to formulate sane policies- charisma and leadership have gone together like beans and rice since time immemorial. Get both and you have the Complete Leadership Package.

For the female poll there is an underlying dilemma: would it be disrespectful to sexualize their charisma as was done in the male poll, however tongue-in-cheek? Margaret Thatcher, Angela Merkel, Condoleeza Rice, Benazir Bhutto, Joan of Arc, Shaka Zulu's mother...the power-charisma question with regards to women is certainly loaded.

Performance and Attractiveness: A causal relationship?

Maybe, maybe not, but it is fun to speculate. May I offer the theory that the hotter a person is, the better they are seen to be performing in their public duties. The President, fully cognizant of the powerful magnetism of his smile, regularly deploys it in difficult situations to distract the adoring masses. This tactic absolutely never worked for Mr. Benjamin Mkapa, who is arguably a more accomplished man in many respects but never managed to find his charisma. Mr. Ali Hassan Mwinyi used a soft-core version of the charm bomb: he was just so accommodating that it was and still is difficult to rouse any particularly strong emotions towards him either negative or positive.

To test the attraction-attention hypothesis, JADIP-SRD has released a poll to gauge the perceived level of attractiveness of a number of members of the Cabinet. This researched has been (rather insistently) commissioned by La Dee, and JADIP readers are strongly encouraged to participate. Mugshots of the honorables are available at www.parliament.go.tz under 'Cabinet' for those who need a visual refresher prior to voting. In the interest of 'mambo ya Beijing,' the female version of the poll will be released shortly.

Kipima Joto # 1

This just in: according to the results of a recent poll conducted by the Just Another Day In Paradise Social Research Department (JADIP-SRD), Tanzanians are split in their views of President Jakaya Kikwete's performance in the War Against Corruption*. 40% of the respondents feel that the War Against Corruption is a sign of the President's inability to protect his powerful friends, while another 40% are unable to tell whether the President is active or passive in the anti-corruption campaign. Only 20% of Tanzanians believe that the President is orchestrating a massive and delicate clean-up drive with canny political finesse. Thankfully, none of the respondents were confused about who JK was.

This important piece of research late in his first term of office shows that Tanzanians may have lost some of the faith in the President that garnered him an utterly ridiculous 80% of the votes in the last elections. His performance in the War Against Corruption coupled with recurring problems in Zanzibar have caused JADIP-SRD political analysts to predict a massive 15-20 point drop in the polls. This means that President Kikwete may only manage a minor landslide victory in the region of 60-75% in the 2010 elections.

*JADIP-SRD would like to thank the five intrepid readers who voted in the poll. The significance of JADIP-SRD's contribution to political research cannot be understated.